The Arc of Your Story

If your life were a movie, what is your grand finale moment? What happens when all the subplots are tied together and you triumph? What are your trophies, prizes, relationships gained or healed?

And what is the change that you--your main character--undergoes in the course of your movie?

Aristotle wrote long about about five levels of happiness. The first level is our appetites, our natural desires for food, sex, comfort--for things. However, we find that if we indulge these appetites, even the best sex and the best food can become boring and unsatisfying after a while. We find that no matter how much we try to fill these appetites there's always a feeling of lack. So, most of us move beyond seeking happiness and fulfillment only on this first level.

The second level of happiness, represents the joy we feel when we accomplish something, attain a new skill, and achieve rewards and status. But this happiness begins to pale when we start to compare ourselves with others. We always find that there are others who are better than we are, or who, if we're Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods, overtake us.
So, we begin to look for happiness on the third level.

The third level of happiness is the satisfaction that comes through altruism, through doing something for others without thought of return. This is the level of human love that goes beyond the mere satisfaction of appetite. This kind of joy is what prompts people to go to the far reaches of the world with organizations like Doctors Without Borders or take up work with organizations like Children's Aid. But we only have so much to give. The overwhelming suffering and problems sap our energies. This level of happiness is vulnerable to feelings of exhaustion, of being drained.

The fourth level of happiness is the joy found in a relationship with the divine, with a power greater than ourselves that replenishes us spiritually. This relationship replensishes our souls so that we have the energy for level three, the ability to enjoy level two without comparisons that make us bitter, and level one without excess.

In most movies that resonate with us, we see a character move from one level of happiness, say level one, to
a higher level. Take a movie like Jerry Maguire. He moves from a level 2 to a level 3 in this story.

The change in a character is called "The arc of the story".

What do you want the arc of your story to be?

What makes you happiest now? Are you satisfied with that level? Would you like to change it?
If you want to move to another level, what sort of time are you storyboarding to attend to
levels three and four?

Take a look at your calendar. Where are you spending mosts of your time? Are you attending to level one appetites most of the time? (Well, most of us are in the sense that we sleep for the bulk of our time!)

How much time are you devoting to your family life in a level three way? How much to your spiritual life?

You can determine the arc of your story, even if you can't always control the circumstances of your life.
But your character and your response to your circumstances is under your control and based on the choices you make.

Memories and Our Personal Storyline

If anyone wants to read a good book about memory, how it operates in our mind and how it serves us, I recommend reading White Gloves: How We Create Ourselves Through Memory by John Kotre, The Free Press (A Division of Simon and Schuster 1995).

Many of us are still under the impression that our brain stores memories the way a computer might store them, that somewhere is an accurate record of "what happened" in the past. Kotre writes about various studies of memory that show that our memories are often not accurate at all, and can be manipulated or changed. For example, studies showed that memories could be implanted later on when experimenters asked a questions that planted suggestions into the mind, or a person saw a photograph of an event that radically shifted his or her memory of it. Brainwashing techniques have also been used to tear away at the memories upon which we base a sense of self.

Kotre writes about how alchoholics often remember--in great detail-- their first drink, just as most of us have vivid memories of the first kiss, the first summer job, the first time we saw our newborn child. That first drink, for the alcoholic, is part of his or her identity.

But having an identity as "an alcoholic" isn't such a great identity to have, now is it? What other identities might we have that spring from a traumatic memory or our absorbing into ourselves a parent's "You'll never amount to much" or
"You always do such and such" ? If you think that the memory you have is somehow fixed and thus has "power" over you, you might continue playing out this "life story", enduring it because you feel as if that's the deck of cards fortune has dealt you.

One of the powerful aspects of Storyboarding is that it is a conscious technique to change your life story by implanting into your mind a new life story, based on a new identity, one that you choose. Yes, memories have power, and the more traumatic and vivid the memory, the more they shape us. But you have a tool that can combat that power. It is your imagination and your power to dream and visualize a different you, in a different story, starting right now.

When you see your life ahead, resist the negative pictures of yourself that bubble into your mind and the words that
tell you "You'll never make it. You always choke when the opportunity comes. You couldn't deal with that level of responsibility. You're going to let people down. My father was irritable and impatient with us kids and I guess I am the same way." If you replace those thoughts and images with positive thoughts, add written goals that are challenging but realistic, and you vividly imagine yourself having already accomplished those goals and feeling wonderful having done so, you'll find that the negative hold bad memories have over you will lose its grip. Your new future and new identity will
grow in power. You'll see a new future unfold in front of you.

If you want a refresher on how to storyboard your day, go to www.bestwaycommunications.com, click on the Storyboard key and download one of the articles you'll find at the bottom of that page.